Happy thoughts:)

I keep thinking how blessed I am to be able to move and function these days. I went for 6 years with pain that continued to increase after each of my pregnancies. I would go from feeling perfectly pregnant, to not being able to move. Maybe that is why I had such great pregnancies, no matter what kind I would have had, it would have been worth not being in pain. I recall going to many different doctors trying to figure it all out, and no one had a clue, the only suggestion they had for me was, maybe you should stay pregnant...they thought it was funny, but it pissed me off. I went to a rhumatologist up north and he ran many tests that must have confused him. My blood tests were positive for Lupus and Arthritis, but I did not have symptoms for either. Many dollars spent and I got nowhere. I gave up for another few years thinking doctors are only practicing, they don't know much. Until the paid was so bad that every move I made hurt so bad I wanted to cry. I could not walk, I could not lift my baby, I would slide her out of her crib and bath tub. I could not sleep laying flat, I would sleep in a recliner. I could not roll over, or lift myself up out of bed. I recall one time when the babies were sleeping, Nate was at work, and I was in so much pain that I wanted to kill myself, literally. I called Nate crying that I wanted to kill myself. If I had to live in all this pain, then it was not worth living. Life in that much pain, was not life, it was hell. The only thing that kept me from taking a gun to my head was my precious babies. I could not leave them alone without a mommy. Nate rushed home from worked, and spent the rest of the night holding me. I had plenty of pain meds, they just did not seem to help. I had Ibuprofen 800's, loratab, naproxin, predisone, muscle relaxers, and a couple others I dont reacall. Nothing worked except for the Vioxx that was taken off the market soon after I started having a little relief. Anyhow, just thinking back to all this misery just makes me cry. I am so blessed to have finally been diagnosed with a rare form of arthritis that only affects the lower body, Riters Syndrom. Strange name, but I was prescribed a shot to take weekly, Enbrel, which lowers the immune system so you body will quit attacking itself. It is a leaky gut thing. Food that I would eat that had similar proteins as my body would leak out of my gut and get into my body. My body knew it was foreign and would attach all proteins that looked similar. As far as I know I was not able to eat any night shade vegetable (peppers, tomatoes, potatoes...), sugar of any kind, peanuts, and gluten. I ate a diet rich in popcorn and avocados, yet the pain never went away. I did notice very soon after eating the wrong food, that I would be in a lot of pain. I would look at food and just think, one bite is not even worth it. So for anyone who thinks I am just showing off what little physical accomplishments I have made, this is why. I went too many years without a physical life, and now I can do what ever I attempt to do. So, since I kind of use this blog as my little journal, I thought I needed to remind myself why it is I push myself to do things I never would have attempted to do, such as a triathlon, or ride my bike for 20 miles. All of these accomplishments mean a lot to me, that is why I blog it. My life, then and now. What a difference!